A poem on being afraid, stuck and lost
I see you wiggling like a fog, you are cold.
You are dark grey and misty.
Trying to fill all my brain, my heart so that I cannot breathe,
You want me to be paralyzed with you.
If I wear you, or if I take you in,
You come with heavy dust called “doubt”.
You both cast a net around me like a spider, to keep me stuck me wherever I am,
You want to keep me in place, not move forward,
You want me frozen in the past, unable to move on.
I see you fear,
I hear you,
You are there.
Your cold voice calling me in with the doubt.
You are so tempting, I want to take you in,
I feel your cold breath behind my neck,
I see the doubt, I think as if I have no choice,
It is because of your fog, fear.
I cannot think clearly.
You tell me I cannot do that,
“Are you sure?” you ask me,
“Are you really sure?”
“Maybe there is another way, maybe you are wrong,” you say.
You are trying to plant your seeds of doubt in me.
Doubting my own powers and abilities,
You want me to confide in someone else.
You want me to say, “take me, take control of me”,
“I am no one and don’t know anything, you know the best for me”,
“Love me and don’t leave me for whatever the price is”,
“Take my voice and be my voice” you need me to say, fear.
You need me to surrender to your fog.
You need me to take you in and be “you”.
You need me, to survive.
You are just a cloud, you are a fog,
You are around me,
You want to be in me,
You want me to be you,
You want me to be afraid and doubtful, you want me to be “the fear”.
I see you, I hear you fear.
You are there, I know.
But I am not you, I am not “fear”.
I am me.
And I am not afraid.
You are just another emotion,
Like joy, like anger, like sadness,
You are not “me”, and you don’t define me, fear.
You will also pass.
Now that the fog is thick,
I cannot see, I cannot breathe,
But I will wait for you to pass.
You will wash me,
Like the waves of an ocean washing the beach.
You can wash the beach as much as you want,
Stay as much as you want, fear.
I embrace you like the beach.
I am the beach, I am Kumsal.
And you are just a wave of emotion, fear.
I see you,
I hear you fear,
But I am not you.
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