Letter to my father

Updated: Mar 1

After our first week in Canada.


Dear dad,


How are you? I keep thinking of you while I check the news and see that high-risk group people, above 65y and with pre-existing conditions must be very careful during this time. I hope you are staying safe.


Today is our 6th day in Canada. We have been pleasantly welcomed here. People have been very nice! - at the flight, the border and now quarantining at our Airbnb place. We hope we do not get Covid! and able to leave to our own apartment soon.

Today we rented our first apartment in Canada and opened a bank account. This may seem small at first glance but they are not. We are here to build a life dad, finally, we are ready to settle and call a place our home. Oh, we are so ready...

It is not just a flat or a bank account. We were able to secure a future for us, our family in the middle of a pandemic, during 2020 ( worst year of history? maybe...) We have grown up, rose to the occasion dad, and become a family. We become a team, a great one ( well-functioning machine as Arda says) that whatever life throws at us, we embrace it. Sometimes we fall on our noses and hurts so much. So many frustrating moments. But in the end, we always find a way. This is what our family is about - finding a way. To realize our dreams. To become better people. Better parents. Secure a safe future for our daughter.


I wish we were able to share our good health and news with each other in person or even virtually.


I wish we were talking and I imagine you being a very cautious person always - immediately telling me to be careful with x,y,z and take care of my health...


I wish we were talking and that you would tell me how proud you were of me, us. (Would you tell that if we were talking, dad?)

I wish we were able to talk with you at this time, dad.


I wish we were able to be there for each other. Emotionally.


What else an adult child needs from their parent? Other than a healthy relationship. I feel a deep sorrow that we are not able to create this with you. Even it's not a viable option. I feel the damage has been too much to our relationship. Unrepairable.


This doesn't mean that I am angry or hateful at you. I think I am on the verge of forgiving. Knowing that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, condoning, or reconciliation. I am about to forgive you for my own good. I do not want to be angry or hateful towards anyone. I want to be free. We all have our shortcomings. I try to accept this relationship as it is. You as you are.


I still yearn for the feeling of having a father. I wonder would it be the same if I had my parents behind me, emotionally and financially? Would I become this fierce of advocating for myself and my family. I wonder.


I know you would say that you were always supporting me. But I never felt that in the past 5 years, dad. I wish that support was genuinely expressed to me. With your actions, not just words.


In any case dad, this is the news. Very good things are happening in your daughter's life. You can be proud of the daughter you have. I hope you can.


Please take good care of yourself. Stay healthy and well.

Your adult child,

Kumsal


Image credit: Canva

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