• atekirdag

My sanctuary in the world of cacophony

Updated: Mar 20

When the world gets too noisy... where do you go?



In a world, where people can't stop talking, can't stop sharing,


In a world, where millions of posts, reels, TikTok videos, and vlogs are airing in a minute...


In a world, where people present themselves as an authority whether they are qualified or not, on every single topic in their lives,


In a world, where everyone is so connected, yet lonely.

In this noisy, shiny virtual world, I feel so different sometimes.


In my "quiet" way of being, I feel invisible, lonely, and lost.

I've been thinking about why it is the case and how to position myself in a world of "instant sharing" with my kind of deep, cerebral & quiet way of being?


Lately, I am thinking a lot about social media, all different platforms Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Youtube, Tiktok... and the concept of being an influencer.



I was in university when Facebook first launched. Not so long ago. I mean 14 years doesn't seem like such a long time (but maybe I am getting old and afraid of acknowledging it) I remember opening my first Facebook account several years after the launch, quite hesitant and skeptical.


I have to admit that social pressure was high and I eventually caved in. It has provided so many benefits, meeting with new people at the time, staying connected with friends & acquaintances. After all, I met my husband via Facebook! so I can't complain...


And I decided to close all my accounts in 2016 due to personal reasons.


I found it very hard to keep my privacy in the online world, and at the time I was being stalked, harassed, and chased by someone from all these venues. I closed all my accounts and basically disappeared from the virtual world. I changed my email, phone number. (Kept my name no worries on that) but basically, I vanished virtually.


It took me a good 2-3 years to safely come back, mainly in the professional way - Having a LinkedIn profile and lately a Twitter account. But still, I am very skeptical about all aforementioned social media sites and having an active account.

As I retreated back into my quiet, old-world, without Facebook posts, status updates, Instagram posts,


I started realizing how much I thrived on the likes that I got under my pictures or the comments I got from people. Leaving all of them behind, going cold turkey fast was hard. I admit that I missed it.


But in a way, I felt extremely relieved. Not feeling the need to post a status update, or a picture every once in a while. I felt liberated & free.


It's true that it had its downsides. I mean for a long time, I didn't know who has been to where, who got married or had a kid, but sometimes not knowing was nice.


You know what they say, ignorance is bliss. I guess the benefits outweigh the downsides for me, still.

And I also realized what these social media sites are thriving on, keep us hooked and scrolling & trading our privacy.


I keep wondering how in a short span of 14 years we came to this point;

where people are sharing their every second,

what they eat, what they wear, what they buy,

how they exercise, how their children are growing...


Basically every single moment of their lives on Facebook & Instagram. And every thought squeezed to 280 characters via Twitter.


I am 100% aware not all people out there are sharing to extremes and might be using it in moderation and finding it extremely helpful. This is a disclaimer that these all are my humble opinion, as a social media skeptic.


I wonder how we came this far, to share this much and this fast all the time and where has all the privacy gone?


To this date, I still have concerns about having an active social media account and about sharing my home, my daughter, or details of my life online. The bottom line is I don't feel safe sharing my life out there.


I don't have anyone stalking me or my family actively now (thank god!) but still, I carry that anxiety about people reaching out to my private life, without my consent. I am not willing to give up my privacy in exchange for followers or likes.



Another layer why I keep my skeptical view about these social sites, besides invasion of privacy is the concept of relativity. Welcome to the bottomless world of comparisons.


I have a not-so-active Instagram account where I follow a couple of people and check some funny content (cat videos kind of funny) but not sharing anything. Occasionally I find myself at the discover section and scrolling down. that's when things tend to go awry...


The fact that after a couple of scrolls, I keep seeing people, magazine news, who has been to where and did what and I start comparing myself to other people out there, complete strangers. Their make-up, their outfits, their fit bodies or fitness routines, their so-put-together children with the curated toddler menu plates, well-decorated houses with thousands of DIY projects... the list goes on and on. And I can't help myself comparing. Also can't help but ask - how much of this is real?


Thousands of people sharing their lives, their "advice" on this, on that, qualified or not...

The endless world of influencers. and influencers on the make. Talking & sharing their perfect lives...


I feel like drowning. and that is when I close the app.


You may think, oh well then why do you keep scrolling? just don't open it.

easier said than done, right?

Isn't that the whole point of social media? Once you are in, you are hooked.

The fact that it creates this curiosity and I-need-to-know-more-so-keep-scrolling feeling -- that terrible addiction. I am guilty as charged...


and don't get me wrong, sometimes there are really good and helpful sites or channels that I benefit from and I do appreciate the content. The time they put to create these and some helpful information.


But mainly I feel like I am wasting my time in the social media world. that it is a big cacophony for me and I still don't feel like sharing my life out there.


I won't lie, I think out loud sometimes, why not open a vlog or Instagram page for just the heck of it (and as an extra side income maybe?) to share my experience on x,y,z...

I feel as if without having one of these platforms as a big megaphone - my experience is not as valid when it is not publicly shared.


Then I realize this is an illusion and that I have my own little niche: this blog.


In a world, where it has become the norm - to your life share online, it makes me kind of lonely sometimes, my decision not to share my life publicly or be that way.


so I found a way to share what I want to offer to the world, in my own quiet way.


I strangely found it easier to share my inner world, my thoughts and dreams, and feelings with the world. Rather than my house, my meals, my body or my possessions...


I feel it in my gut that it is not my thing; having a YouTube channel, or Instagram page, at least not for now. Whenever I feel down or when something bothers me, I find solace in my little shelter; this blog and I write it out. Each and every time, I write, I feel so much better.


And I don't do it for anyone to like it. Anyone to follow.


I do it for myself. Kind of selfishly.

I write freely about my journey of becoming myself, free of judgment, not thinking about likes or follows.


And I do hope that some people out there, some quiet, cerebral people, who still like to read and think, will be reading this blog and finding the strength in them to be themselves, in this shiny, noisy world.

I hope they will have the courage to stay true to their nature and not to bend and break but stay as they are, be comfortable in their own skin and my posts may help a fellow traveler somewhere to pave their own way. Whatever that may be.

Kumsal

Jan 25, 2020

Mississauga

Image courtesy: Canva

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