The Hiatus

In between two worlds...



The blog has been quiet for sometime.


I know.


I am always here, yet no new posts coming up.


I was joking around to Arda telling him that I am doing some deep infrastructure maintenance; making things prettier - connecting my pages, adding different sections etc.


It did help to create some really cohesive content reflecting my developing self.


Yet, I still missed creating/birthing pieces that took so much, thought, effort and putting words to my "wounds" at times, which felt so cathartic, therapeutic and healing in the end.


I thought I could break the silence, this hiatus, with an introductory post with what has been on my mind lately.

While I am still thinking, contemplating and maturing some unique & quite detailed stories in my head (When Family Hurts is one of them), there has been so much going on in my life, in our life as a family which I would like to share here.


I am about to start my Master's program.

We are moving our home to Toronto.

Elly has started daycare again.

We got both of our Covid vaccines and Ontario has been opening up. Finally.


A lot of change. At once.


(If you think moving to Canada, leaving my job and applying to school during a global pandemic was not eventful enough, I always have more drama for you!)


Can you relate to the fact that when there is so much going on -around you and in you-

that you literally want to stop in the middle of this craze and sink down to "your inner sea"


I shuffle back and forth between my inner sea and automatic pilot (don't-think-much-about-it - just-do-it!) these days.


I slow down and speed up over and over again, while I really wait and hope for more predictable and slower times coming up in our lives as a family...



My thoughts these days:


- My driving experience in North America, comparing New York and Ontario


I got my driver's license in New York two years ago and swapped it for a G2 here in Ontario. I have been driving here for a while now and I realized how different the traffic culture is between NY City and Mississauga; the excessive use of horns, huge intersections with so much going on and the hostile behavior towards female drivers (especially where we live in Mississauga)


I feel very proud of myself that I learned to drive and am a good driver. It gives me so much independence and autonomy. And at times when I feel intimidated and reprimanded by some aggressive and mean-spirited driver, I remind myself that I am a careful, safe driver and should not self-doubt my driving skills due to one strange person.


- Integrating a fitness routine to my life, again


Before Elly, we used to go to gym 3-5 times a week with Arda and I discovered that it is literally the fountain of youth. I found strength - both mentally and physically- by exercising and being able to push my body to limits. It made me realize how powerful and resilient my body is and that I can create a healthy body with some serious effort and discipline.


It was one my biggest losses after getting pregnant when I realized we won't be able to going back to gym with Arda again ( it was our thing ) and losing the fitness level that I was at.


After two years, I decided to get back on my fitness regime seriously again and gave myself the permission to be a "strong" mother.


Yes, mothers can be physically fit & strong. It is actually fierce self-care and good for whole family - when a mother starts to invest time and effort to their well-being.


Going forward, fitness and routine resistance exercise would be one of the integral parts of my "second life".


-Reading, reading, reading and immersing myself with ideas


I have finished Mindsight from Daniel Siegel and it has been one of the most profound books I've read lately. He is a pioneer in the field of interpersonal neurobiology and explains the biology of change and transformation through detailed brain structures, neural circuits, integration has been a game changer for me. (My scientist part LOVES him!)


Siegel does an amazing job explaining different integration stories from his real patients and how he was able to use this knowledge in psychotherapy.


I felt like this could have been the connection that could bridge my past (the scientist) to my future (the social worker) as I am going forward. I will be definitely looking more to interpersonal neurobiology as a cultivate my unique social work practice.


My Current Read: Aware from Daniel Siegel & Social Work Practice from Marion Bogo (textbook for one of my first year classes)


( Another detailed post will be coming up about the Social Work Practice book and the key take away concepts/messages from different chapters. More about Aware below. )



My Reflections:


- Classe