Why is it so hard?
When do we become mothers?
The date we become pregnant or when we give birth?
In my opinion, it is process that starts with the idea of having a child.
We grow into this role. We integrate this piece of identity to our core self.
So how long does this process take, one might ask?
I would say life-long.
As we carry our babies, grow them inside, birth them, watch them grow, be there for them every-single-day - we become mothers. Day by day.
And this can be a very unsettling, challenging integration journey.
What I found most helpful as a new mother is when I come across like-minded mothers who share their experiences - the real ones- as the good, bad and the ugly.
People who see you as a person besides the mother.
When I was writing the piece, The Purple Squirrels, I was desperate and not sure if I would be able to find my people after becoming a parent.
People who would understand me, be there for me as whole and people who I can be there for them as we go through this journey called life.
You can call it godsend or some other spiritual force involved that around this time, I had the greatest pleasure to meet with Simone (@lifeinspirationfile) serendipitously through our blogs - who is also a scientist, mother and writer.
I felt like even before we met in person ( I mean pandemic virtual of course ) our hearts have talked after we read each other's blogs; where we've put so much of our wisdom, lessons, inspirations, fears and hopes - basically the deepest corners of our souls.
Since then our discussions about expat/immigrant life, motherhood, science has made me reflect and grow as a person, as a writer, and as a mother at my loneliest times.
When she brought me her idea to compile stories of new mothers & write a letter to our new mum self, I got too excited ( as usual! ) I was already regularly writing a piece per week or so in my blog then - so I thought no problem.
I told her that I would plant the seed and started waiting it to grow and become my story. As a mother. 🌱
Yet I found this particular seed too hard and difficult to cultivate. It felt like I was avoiding it actively for a while and felt bad that I was not keeping my word to her.
When I look into this ambivalence closely, I realized this was happening because as a mother I was struggling. A lot. And acting like everything is A-Okay.
I was struggling and I was afraid to tell it to the world.
Then one day when I was at my daily walk and I started jotting down what came to my mind in my notes and eventually this piece "Welcome To Motherhood" come out.
Raw, honest and true to the core.
It is my honest cry about the motherhood.
Informal inauguration ceremony, to the motherhood, as I would call it.
After writing this piece, putting a word to how I feel and being able to articulate it - I felt like something in me settled. I found peace.
I was able to integrate The Mother to my core, a little bit more, by being brutally honest with myself. I feel much better and proud that this is out of me and in the world now.
We need more mothers coming forward and telling their truths.
Truth is that motherhood is hard.
Motherhood is lonely.
And that we need to share our stories. Help one another.
I want to thank you Simone from the bottom of my heart - for being who you are, connecting so naturally with me, encouraging me gently and mothering together even we are ocean apart.
Thanks so much for being patient with me while I was taking time to write this piece. I truly value our companionship!
I hope #mothers especially new moms will read this piece and know that I feel you.
You are not doing it wrong.
It is that hard.
And you got this💜
June 30, 2021