Third time is the charm

You need to try harder, because you are not breaking me.



Dear Universe,


Its time have a conversation with you. You left me no other way.




What the heck is wrong with you?


Seriously!




Why you go after people who have dreams and try to make things happen?

Why you never give them a effing break for God sake??

I feel like you are testing my will and how far I will push my dreams.

Again and again.


This waiting game you are playing with my mind, it is driving me crazy for sure.


How long we will play this, huh?


You have a point. It would have been too easy otherwise, right?

There is always a price to pay for our dreams.

We have to plan, work hard and adapt.

I hear you.


But when this crazy game will stop?


At the age of 16, I didn't know what I wanted in life.

I didn't had the courage to speak up for my dream.

It was my fault. (Yeah, okay)


Then at 22, I didn't know the way. I didn't plan well.

You defeated me once more.

It was again me. (well, really?)


For the past 10 years, I've been thinking. Planning. Working my back off.

And now I try for the third time, to pivot, to move towards myself,

this is what I get? All this madness!


and "It is again you", you say?

You know what, actually, NO!


This time, It is YOU. Your wicked game.

Every time I am about to reach the goal post, you move it.


I know, it's not enough to want something in life,

You have fight for it.

And I do fight. God knows, I do.

I fight for my life. I put heart and soul to what I want.


You do not like to give a free ride so keep testing my will.

But I wonder, how far? How far you will go?


I maybe anxious waiting for things to happen,

I maybe desperate at times,

But I am not lost. Not anymore.

I know what I want. And I will get there.


So here is my message to you:


You can bring on your worst guns;

years long torturous visa hurdles,

feeling isolated and alone,

living through a global pandemic,

endless paper work and governmental bureaucracy,

and a never ending waiting game...


These can't and won't stop me.

Keep trying harder.

After 16 years, there is nothing you can do that will stop me.

You maybe able to push me off track and I may not be able to follow my plan exactly,

but that's OK. I will stand up and try again.


I don't need to know the way, I will find a way.


And you know what they say,

Third time is the charm.

Bring it on.


Kumsal

Feb 19,2021