You know when to read me

Updated: Apr 7

A letter when I needed the most... a letter from the future.

Dear Kumsal,

How are you? Don't tell me you are doing fine as you do for everyone else. Because I know you are not! I can feel it.

And that's okay. You don't have to pretend, remember? It is okay to struggle sometimes and I am here, exactly for these times.

I know you are awaiting the decision from the school, anxiously. I can feel it - It is almost time. I wanted to write this down and I want you to read this letter when you get your decision.

It has been a tough year for everyone, and for you... it has been the toughest one you had. The pandemic, the endless wait, the move, the goodbyes, the losses... I know you feel like you didn't get a break. Life feels stuck, slow, and unfair.

I feel you. I wish I could speed things up, take the pain away.

I don't know when the decision will come or how things will turn out eventually, but I want you to remember these, once you get that letter.

If everything goes as planned,

That is absolutely awesome! Congratulations!!!

You worked so hard for this and you earned it. I want you to ENJOY that moment.

Can you promise me that, you will enjoy that day, without worrying about the technicalities?

No matter how other things turn out, if the decision is positive, you will be on your way.

On the way that you dreamed of, for you so long.

So ENJOY that day.

Start fighting the next day.

I want you to feel proud of yourself. Because I sure do and don't let anyone take that joy away from you.

Once you are on your way, I want you to ENJOY the journey. You don't need to rush this one. Remember, how many years it took you to find a way? (16!) Breathe in and breathe out this moment. You deserve it.

Celebrate it with the people you love. Do not let people cast the shadow of doubt on you. You don't have to share this news with people, who will not be happy for you or envy you. Keep it for the inner circle, for the people who deserve to hear this news. The people who were there along the way, with you.

I don't want you to doubt yourself or your abilities, for a second.

You belong here. I want you to own this, recognize the courage and move on UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

If things don't go as planned...

I am sorry to hear this news... I truly am. I can understand how disappointing that decision must be for you. How unfair and unexpected... I wish I could change it and grant your wishes...

Remember, I am here for you, Kumsal.

You are loved and worthy.

Can you tell me if you did your best, your absolute best, or not?

Did you try your best with all your knowledge and power at the time?

I know the answer yes.

So, I do not want you to dwell on this as a failure or end of the road. Because it is not.

This is just the beginning. A new dawn for you.

You were very brave to embark on this journey and it took a lot of courage and effort to do so. I want you to keep going, keep moving forward for your dreams.

This is not the only way. There are million other ways to try.

If someone or an institution sadly doesn't realize your value or readiness, this doesn't mean you are not valuable or ready.

And it doesn't mean this is the end of your dream.

I believe in you and your dreams Kumsal.

You MUST keep pushing.

Do you want to go down this road? Is this something that will remember when you are 80 years old, and ask yourself, "why didn't I try harder back then?" Because I sure know that you will regret it if you don't follow this dream now.

I want you to feel proud for trying this in the first place. and keep trying. again.

Remember the contingencies we prepared. So many other ways to go.

Give yourself some time and start pursuing them.

The fight is far from over.

Remember, things turn out, always for the better. You can only live life forward but understand it backward. So, keep believing in fate.

In the process.

If this was not the way, then you will surely find another one.